Aunties

How to Make Your Hosting Deeply Casual

Katherine Goldstein on her viral approach to having people over — the easy way

A smiling woman with chin-length light brown hair stands outdoors in a navy corduroy blazer over a white top, with a large pendant necklace and one hand on her hip. Behind her, tall trees with golden autumn leaves are softly blurred. — Katherine Goldstein

Aunties, this week I’m sharing with you an idea that absolutely exploded into the community-building corner of Substack last year. Everybody everybody everybody was talking about Katherine Goldstein’s concept of “deep casual hosting.” And I don’t want you to have missed it, because going deep casual is perhaps one of the most important cheat codes to building a childful, communal life. The basic tenets are these: don’t prepare, don’t tidy up, don’t serve anything you weren’t going to serve anyway. Keep things casual to make hosting easy, and by making hosting easy, allow hosting to be frequent, and by allowing hosting to be frequent, deepen your relationships.

It’s pretty genius.

Screenshot of a Substack post titled “8 Ways to Embrace ‘Deep Casual Hosting’ (So You’ll Actually Do It)” by Katherine Goldstein, dated July 9, 2025. A hand-drawn yellow circle highlights the engagement counts: 3,654 likes, 196 comments, and 437 restacks. Below the headline, a film-style photo shows a smiling woman in a coral sweater at a kitchen table with a baby in a bib and a waving toddler, with burgers and vegetables on the plates. — Check those numbers, holy wow! For comparison, the most popular post in the history of The Auntie Bulletin, the source of over a third of our total subscribers, doesn’t have half this many likes. What I’m saying is that this here “Deep Casual Hosting” went viral AF.

Here’s how Katherine tees up the “deep casual hosting” concept:

Think of this as “having someone over for supper.” It is the opposite of elaborate, memorable dinner parties, the supposed hot trend of 2024/25. In a society that demands so much from us, we can only pull off regular hosting if we set realistic standards. I want your dinner (brunch, lunch, campfire weenie roast, etc.) gathering to feel totally doable for you, and not require much (or any) more than you’d do for yourself or your family without guests.

I’m not suggesting this just because it’s a time saver. Deep casual hosting sets a tone for others that they can also host without massive efforts and preparations. This method isn’t just about making hosting easier for you; it’s about contributing to a culture among your communities where regular connection is more critical than four-hour recipes and sparkling floors.

I personally would rather have a more robust, meaningful social life filled with many ongoing casual opportunities for connection than a few formal, high-effort events/invitations per year.

Good, right??

Katherine has eight suggestions for how to pull it off. (My favorite is #6, “Say yes when guests offer to help”). In order that she can keep racking up the stats on her original post and help make it thee destination on the internet for deep casual hosting, today I’m going to send you over there rather than reproducing the post over here.

Before you click away, I should also mention that Katherine has a book coming out soon. It’s called Neighboring: How to Build Community You Can Count On, I am envious of its cover design, and it’s now available for pre-order.

Cover of Neighboring: How to Build Community You Can Count On by Katherine Goldstein. Under a blue sky, colorful illustrated houses in pink, yellow, and blue line a sunny plaza where a diverse crowd of neighbors skateboards, does yoga, plays guitar, walks a dog, pushes a stroller, flies a kite, and chats, including people using wheelchairs. — So cute. I am such a fan of warm, bright colors. Pre-order here!

Okay, time to read about deep casual hosting and have your life changed forever, in a good way!

Simple, colorful illustration showing a pair of abstract stick figures, consisting of a taller figure and a smaller figure holding hands, with a yellow circle (head) on a stick above them. The small figure has a speech bubble with ellipsis dots, suggesting conversation. White background.

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